Something To Sleep To
by Hikaru a
Summary: Zidane reflects on his feelings for Dagger.


Something To Sleep To  
By Hikaru

Summary: Zidane reflects in a bar at the beginning of Disc 3.

  
_In my mind  
Everything we did was right  
Open your eyes, I'll still be by your side  
How could I ever have been so blind?  
You give me something to sleep to  
At night _

- Michelle Branch  
_"Something To Sleep To"_

  
Dagger looked to me, trying to smile. We both knew this was the end. No matter what we said, or how we fought, nothing would change destiny. She would become Queen Garnet Til Alexandros XVII, I would see to that. And yet, in my heart, I could feel a sinking feeling begin to grow. We would never see each other again. I could see it in her eyes. She was apologizing. Apologizing for her duty. Taking in a breath, I quickly caressed the back of my hand against her hand. I missed her already. The ship pulled up to the dock. Before I realized what was going on, Dagger grabbed my hand and mouthed the word _Goodbye_.

Then she left, her hair flying behind her. The tapping of her red boots matched the beating of my heart. The fog lying on top of the ocean consumed her figure.

In my head, her soft melody echoed, making the hurt much worse. I loved her.

My vision blurred as I looked into my cup of ale. I was a fool. A fool to think that I would be able to stay with her always. A fool to think that she had feelings for me. Steiner was right. I had no business to be around a Princess... no, a Queen. As suave as I like to act around girls, in reality I was just a dirty thief. Why didn't I see that until now?

Slamming the mug against the table, I let out an aggravated scream. My arms collapsed on the table, my head soon following. Breathing slowly, I stared off into space, thinking about her. Dagger. Our journey had blinded me from the truth. On the road I could pretend that it would last forever. We would never have to come back to Alexandria, and Dagger would never have to deal with her royal heritage. Speaking the way she did, I forget at times that she was even that snotty princess that we kidnapped. The snotty, intelligent, and not to mention beautiful princess who lit up my entire world every time she smiled. Letting out a sigh, I closed my eyes. Forgetting everything that happened seemed the only solution to my problem. Drowning my memories in ale. What a hero I was.

Without Dagger by my side, what was the point in trying to be a hero? Queen Brahne was dead; Kuja was too powerful to conquer; really, what was the point? To defend Dagger from harm? She didn't need me anymore. After all, she was about to become a Queen-- she had her royal guards now, lead by Beatrix and Steiner. I would just be in the way. Steiner would yell at me everyday to leave; telling me that I didn't belong. And he would be right. Why should I put myself through all of that if Dagger didn't even want me there?

Ah, the root of my pain. Dagger didn't want me there. Ever since we had returned to Alexandria, I hadn't heard anything from her. Had she forgotten all about me? Didn't she want me there? Perhaps now that she was to be named Queen, she didn't want to associate with lowlifes like me. That was probably it.

I signaled the bargirl to give me another drink. She looked to me, as if she was unsure if she should tell me no get lost or not. From my pocket I pulled out a sack of 5000 gil. The sound of jiggling coins made her move.

I closed my eyes, fighting off any sleep that my body was trying to force onto me. Dreaming was the worst thing for me to do. The night we returned to from Alexandria, when Dagger had said 'Goodbye', my dreams were filled with her song. The melody haunted me now, awake or asleep. Merely thinking of the tune brought tears to my eyes. The most painful thing was to hear Dagger's soft voice again. When I had trouble sleeping on our journey, Dagger's always song lulled me into sleep. Listening to her sing that song, I knew that she would be beside me forever. At least, I wanted her to be. There was no chance of that now.

As much as I teased about liking her, thinking back on it made me ache throughout my body. Never had I been so hung up on a girl before. I had to laugh. I was in love with the Queen. But I was a commoner. Dagger wasn't the sort of girl who would just brush me off forever, but that didn't mean that she would welcome me to come sit next to her on the throne either. And I doubt the people of Alexandria would approve of their Queen marrying a mere thief.

Marriage?

Where the hell did that come from?

Pushing my hand through my hair, I sighed again. The bargirl brought me another mug of ale. I took a deep drink from it, closing my eyes and trying to forget. Forget that beautiful voice. Forget the soft brown hair. Forget the deep brown eyes that lit up every time she turned to me. Forget her.

I had been naive thinking that we would never be parted. There are no such things as fairytale endings. The hero never got the girl. Well, I would never get the girl. I wouldn't ask her to give up her entire kingdom just for my happiness. What about what she wanted? It was in her blood to be a leader; and what a leader she would make! Dagger actually cared about the people, their feelings, and their thoughts. She would make the best Queen any country had seen in a long time. No, I couldn't ask her to give that up for my selfish needs. I would let this canary fly free.

God, I wanted to see her again. I would be content with just standing next to her again. Maybe, hold her hand. Of course Steiner would have none of that. I sighed again. I should go see her. She's probably scared right now, being named Queen and all. She needed support from her friends. But what would I say? As much as it would hurt me to, I had to lie to Dagger. Tell her that I would be watching from afar and supporting her. And that I was happy. Yes, that was what I should tell her. If I smiled as I said it, she might actually believe me.

Fly Canary, fly. 

  
Fin 

  
Notes:  
This was originally going to be a bit longer, but as I got started, I decided to make it another hour-fic. I _really_ need to do more of these. They make writing so much easier. I'm not sitting in front of the computer stressing about what I should do next. Why FFIX? Well, recently I picked up the game again. Reaching disk 3, the scene where Zidane is moping came on, and I had been listening to the Michelle Branch song not three minutes earlier. It was then that I connected the two and decided to write a short about it. Yes, yes, it fits well. Me want to write more FFIX Zidane stuff. This is fun! XD 

Disclaimer:   
Final Fantasy IX is owned by the RPG Gods, Squaresoft. Standard disclaimers apply. 


End file.
